Yikes. The last month has been tough. Actually Fall through Christmas was tough and during Christmas my body literally just said enough.
I experienced some total mom burnout, anxiety, some family losses, a major job change for my husband (a great one, but still a big change), and we were dealing with getting random weird little bugs all Fall and then covid. My son, Luke, also turned 2.5 during this time, and let me tell you what, that is no joke lol. The 2’s started lovely and then bam, threw me for a major loop with learning how to navigate the tantrums and how to discipline and all the other things that come with that age.
Lastly, the pressure surrounding holidays with kids feels like a lot. I didn’t think I would actually feel that because I didn’t feel that way his first Christmas, but this past Christmas, since I felt like he really understood things, I wanted him to get to do all the holiday things and I wanted to make it super special. Any other Momma’s feel this? Maybe it’s the Instagram world that makes us feel this way, but it felt like a lot of pressure (that was mostly self-inflicted).
Anyways, the day after Christmas my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest for 3 days straight. I couldn’t get it to stop racing even when I was relaxing or talking to people. I initially just thought I was completely overwhelmed because I have dealt with some anxiety before during different stages of life, but after talking to a few Drs. and people who have had other experiences like this (vaccinated and unvaccinated), I realize that this may have been from covid. Thank you Jesus that it subsided, and my heart rate has been normal again!
But I’m not here to talk about covid, I’m here to talk about the fact that sometimes motherhood can feel HARD and you have to overcome some things, but you don’t have to fight through them alone. Going through that experience made me realize a few different things:
- It’s so important to have DAILY time with the Lord
Don’t tune me out. I know this is hard as a Mom unless you really prioritize it, but going through a battle empty is substantially harder. My family and friends were incredible through this and helped extra with Luke and I also started doing a lot of practical things that I will list below, but time with God first thing in the morning has helped me the most through this challenging season. I am not a morning person, but I started getting up an hour before Luke in order to read my Bible and journal and listen to a faith-filled message. This was hard the first few days, but I knew I needed set aside time to hear from God clearly on any steps I needed to take. But more than answers, which I also got, I started receiving peace from Him. - Ask for help
I feel like after Lukes first year I was good about this and really started getting to a great place. Then when Fall of last year hit, I wasn’t getting the sleep I needed or exercising or doing things that I enjoyed anymore. I was basically in survival mode and was getting hit with hard things from every angle. That will soon equal burnout. I felt burnout even before I experienced the heart racing because we had been dealing with challenges one thing after another. Asking for help is so crucial when you are feeling this way. That is not something I’m good at, but I’m realizing it is a priority. - Moms have got to take care of themselves well
In case it was anxiety and burnout related and not related to covid, I am being proactive on that end and seeing an amazing team of integrative medicine Drs. who are doing more than just taking standard bloodwork and sending you on your way. They look at your whole lifestyle and help you make adjustments. I’m also prioritizing sleep and exercise way more. - I’m too hard on myself and you probably are too
Luke was getting sick so much the last few months…his first ear infection, first time dealing with croup, random colds, etc. I feed him well, give him all the vitamins and he was still dealing with things. I was looking at him getting sick like I was failing him. But guess what, we just went through 2 years of people wearing masks and social distancing, and no wonder kids are getting sick more often. They weren’t exposed to germs like they were before. But instead of looking at that, I just looked at myself and said “I must be doing something wrong.” Crazy, huh? One thing that I realized in prayer was that I was taking so much burden upon myself to figure everything out and I was putting so much pressure on myself, when God promises that if we just ask, He will give us wisdom. We don’t have to figure everything out on our own. - Take account of your thought life
This is something major I’m working on. The Bible says “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”-2 Cor 10:5. I know that my thoughts can limit me and I don’t want them to. When thoughts are not taken captive, they become strongholds in our mind and actually create structures and negative pathways. Thankfully with meditating on the right things in the Word, we have the ability to change that, but it takes us playing a part.
I debated on sharing this, because I still feel like I am still dealing with some things, but honestly I think most Mom’s go through tough stuff and even harder things and just put on a fake smile anyways. I’m not that person. I want all the support in my circle and I want other people to know that they aren’t ever alone. Being a Mom is one of the hardest but also the absolute best things I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I also realize that burnout is real and you have to attack it from multiple angles and not allow yourself to become not ok all the time. Your family needs you to prioritize yourself so that you can prioritize them.
-Nicole
